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When one of my ESL students asked me last year, “What pronoun should I use for my classmate?” I realized that many learners weren’t taught the grammatical patterns they need to confidently use gender-neutral pronouns in real conversation. Gender-neutral pronouns have moved from niche terminology into everyday English — and if you’re writing in academic, professional, or social contexts, you’ll encounter them regularly. Understanding how they work grammatically is just as important as understanding when to use them respectfully.
Below, I’ll break down the definition and function of gender-neutral pronouns, show you the complete paradigm (all cases and forms), explain agreement rules, walk through realistic examples, and cover the common mistakes learners make when trying to use them correctly. You’ll come away understanding not just that gender-neutral pronouns exist, but how to use them accurately in your own writing.
Key Takeaways
- Gender-neutral pronouns are words that don’t specify gender — they replace he/she to refer to people without assuming gender identity.
- They/them is the most common and recognized — it’s grammatically correct, historically documented in English, and increasingly accepted in formal writing.
- Ze/hir and xe/xem are newer, specialized pronouns — less widely understood, and use varies widely; always ask which pronoun the person prefers.
- All pronouns follow agreement rules — subject + verb, object case, and possessive forms must match correctly, just like he/she pronouns.
- Common mistakes include dropping agreement rules or switching pronouns mid-sentence — consistency is key in any pronoun choice.
What Are Gender-Neutral Pronouns? Definition & Function
A gender-neutral pronoun is a word used to refer to a person without marking their gender. In English, traditional pronouns come in gendered pairs: he/him/his and she/her/hers. Gender-neutral pronouns serve the same grammatical function as these gendered pronouns — they replace nouns to avoid repetition and improve sentence flow — but they do not specify or assume the gender of the referent.
The function of a gender-neutral pronoun is identical to any other pronoun:
- To avoid repetition: Instead of “Alex went to the store. Alex bought milk. Alex left the store,” you write “Alex went to the store. They bought milk. They left the store.”
- To refer to someone by their chosen identifier: If someone tells you their pronouns are they/them or ze/hir, using those pronouns shows respect for their gender identity.
- To refer to unknown or non-binary persons: When gender is unknown or irrelevant, a gender-neutral pronoun is a neutral choice.
Gender-neutral pronouns are not new to English. The singular “they” has been used for centuries when referring to someone of unknown gender. What is relatively new is the deliberate adoption of they/them for known individuals, and the creation of pronouns like ze/hir and xe/xem to offer alternatives.
Categories of Gender-Neutral Pronouns
Gender-neutral pronouns fall into several categories based on their origin, adoption, and formal recognition:
Category 1: Singular “They” (Traditional / Evolving)
“They/them/theirs” is the oldest and most widely accepted gender-neutral pronoun in English. It has appeared in published English literature for over 500 years when the writer’s gender was unknown, and since the 2010s it has been adopted deliberately by people who identify as non-binary or genderqueer. Major dictionaries (Oxford, Merriam-Webster, Cambridge) now recognize singular they as grammatically correct.
Example: “The author submitted their manuscript on time. The editor praised them for their thoroughness.”
Category 2: Neopronouns (Intentionally Created)
Neopronouns are pronouns created relatively recently (mostly since the 1970s) specifically to offer gender-neutral alternatives that sound different from traditional pronouns. The most common are:
- Ze/hir/hirs — often blends the sound of “he” with a gender-neutral feel
- Xe/xem/xyr — designed to be fully distinct from gendered pronouns
- Ey/em/eir — another variant used in some communities
Neopronouns are less widely recognized than they/them, and their usage varies significantly across regions and communities. Always ask a person directly which pronoun they prefer before using a neopronoun.
Category 3: Name Substitution
Some people prefer not to use pronouns at all and instead ask others to use their name repeatedly. For example: “Alex went to the store. Alex bought milk” instead of “They bought milk.” While not technically a pronoun, name substitution is another inclusive option when someone doesn’t use pronouns.
The Complete Pronoun Paradigm Table
Here is a comprehensive table showing how English pronouns (gendered and gender-neutral) work across all grammatical cases. Notice that they/them follows the same pattern as third-person plural, and neopronouns follow similar case-based rules:
| Case / Use | He/Him | She/Her | They/Them | Ze/Hir | Xe/Xem |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Subjective (subject of sentence) | He | She | They | Ze | Xe |
| Objective (object of verb/preposition) | Him | Her | Them | Hir | Xem |
| Possessive determiner (before noun) | His | Her | Their | Hir | Xyr |
| Possessive pronoun (stands alone) | His | Hers | Theirs | Hirs | Xyrs |
| Reflexive (self-form) | Himself | Herself | Themself / Themselves | Hirself | Xemself |
Key rule: The case (subject, object, possessive) of a pronoun never changes based on the person’s gender. Whether you use he, she, they, ze, or xe, the grammatical rules are identical. Use the subjective form when the pronoun is the subject, objective form when it’s the object, and possessive form to show ownership.
Agreement Rules: Number, Person, and Consistency
When you choose a pronoun for someone, you must apply three agreement rules:
1. Number Agreement
Pronouns must agree with the number of people they refer to. “They/them” can refer to one person (singular they) or multiple people (plural they). Ze, xe, and he/she are singular. A verb must also agree with the pronoun’s number:
✓ Correct (singular they): Jordan finished their homework. They are excited about the result.
✓ Correct (plural they): The students finished their homework. They are excited about the result.
✗ Incorrect: Jordan finished their homework. They is excited. (Wrong — they takes “are,” not “is.”)
2. Person Agreement (1st, 2nd, 3rd)
In English, pronouns are tied to a “person” — first (I, we), second (you), or third (he, she, they, ze, xe). The person of your pronoun must stay consistent:
✓ Correct: If Casey uses they/them pronouns, they prefer clear communication.
✗ Incorrect: If Casey uses they/them pronouns, you should address them directly. (Switches from third to second person mid-sentence.)
3. Pronoun Consistency
Once you’ve chosen a pronoun for someone, keep using it. Don’t switch back to a gendered pronoun or swap between pronouns without reason:
✓ Correct: Casey told me that they would arrive at 3 pm. I thanked them for letting me know. Their punctuality is always reliable.
✗ Incorrect: Casey told me that they would arrive at 3 pm. I thanked him for letting me know. Their punctuality is always reliable. (Inconsistent — mixes they and him.)
Context Examples: They/Them in Use
Here are five realistic examples showing gender-neutral pronouns in full-sentence contexts:
Example 1 (academic context): “The researcher collected data from 500 participants. They found that their hypothesis was partially supported. Their findings will be published next quarter.”
Example 2 (professional email): “I wanted to follow up with your new colleague, Sam. They sent me a great proposal on Tuesday. I’m impressed with the work they did on the budget analysis.”
Example 3 (classroom dialogue): “My student Alex used pronouns like xe/xem. At first, I had to be mindful of the switch, but after a few weeks, using xem became as automatic as using he or she for other students.”
Example 4 (unknown person): “Someone left their phone at the reception desk. Could you please tell them that we have it? They can pick it up anytime.”
Example 5 (neopronoun context): “I was reading about Morgan, who uses ze/hir pronouns. Ze is a talented artist, and hir work is displayed in galleries across the city. I’ve always admired hir dedication to hir craft.”
Common Mistakes and How to Fix Them
✗ Mistake 1: Mixing pronouns in one sentence.
Incorrect: Riley said they would help, but he couldn’t make it in time.
Correct: Riley said they would help, but they couldn’t make it in time.
Why: Once you establish a pronoun for someone, keep it consistent throughout the sentence and paragraph.
✗ Mistake 2: Using the wrong case form.
Incorrect: I gave the book to they.
Correct: I gave the book to them.
Why: After a preposition (to, for, with, etc.), use the objective form (them, not they). This rule applies to he/him and she/her too.
✗ Mistake 3: Wrong verb form with they.
Incorrect: Jordan has finished their work. They is ready to present.
Correct: Jordan has finished their work. They are ready to present.
Why: Singular they is a third-person plural form. It always takes plural verbs (are, have, do, were) — never singular forms (is, has, does, was).
✗ Mistake 4: Assuming someone’s pronouns.
Incorrect: “Oh, you’re non-binary? You must use they/them pronouns.”
Correct: “What pronouns do you use? I want to make sure I address you correctly.”
Why: Gender identity and pronoun choice are not the same thing. Some non-binary people use he or she, some use they, and some use neopronouns. Always ask.
✗ Mistake 5: Dropping the pronoun and using a name repeatedly.
Weak (if not requested): “Jordan went to the store. Jordan bought milk. Jordan came home.”
Better: “Jordan went to the store. They bought milk. They came home.”
Why: Pronouns reduce repetition and make writing flow better. Unless someone specifically asks you not to use pronouns, use them as you normally would.
Sample Dialogue
In a university setting
Professor: I’d like to introduce your new teaching assistant, Morgan. Morgan, would you tell the class about your background?
Morgan: Thanks. I just finished my master’s in linguistics. By the way, I use they/them pronouns.
Student 1: Got it. Nice to meet you. Are you… are you planning to hold office hours?
Morgan: Yes, Tuesdays and Thursdays, 2 to 4 pm. Feel free to drop by if you have questions.
Student 2 (a few weeks later): Morgan gave me great feedback on my essay. They really understood what I was trying to argue, and they explained the grammar issue really clearly.
Quick Quiz
- Choose the correct pronoun: “Casey works in marketing. _____ is very skilled with data.” (They are / They is)
- Fill in the blank: “I gave the assignment to _____.” (they / them)
- True or False: “Singular they” is a new invention with no historical precedent in English.
- Which of these is a neopronoun? (a) they/them (b) he/him (c) ze/hir (d) she/her
- Complete the sentence: “Alex told me _____ was excited about the trip, and _____ asked if I wanted to join.” (they/they · him/he · they/them)
Answers: 1. They are · 2. them · 3. False (documented since the 1300s) · 4. (c) ze/hir · 5. they/they
Related Articles
- ↑ Master Pillar: English Grammar
- Personal Pronouns: Subject, Object, and Possessive
- Possessive Pronouns: Mine, Yours, His, Hers, and Theirs
- Demonstrative Pronouns: This, That, These, Those
- Indefinite Pronouns: Someone, Anyone, Everyone
- ↑ Back to pillar: English Pronouns (Pillar)
Frequently Asked Questions
Is singular “they” grammatically correct?
Yes, absolutely. Singular they has been used in English for over 500 years, and major dictionaries (Oxford, Merriam-Webster, Cambridge, and others) now formally recognize it as grammatically correct. It is increasingly accepted in academic and professional writing.
What is the difference between they/them and ze/hir?
They/them is the traditional singular pronoun that’s been part of English for centuries. Ze/hir is a neopronoun created more recently to offer a fully gender-neutral sound that’s distinct from gendered pronouns. They/them is far more widely understood and accepted; ze/hir is used within specific communities. Always ask which pronoun someone prefers.
If someone uses they/them pronouns, do I use singular or plural verbs?
You use plural verbs. Even when referring to one person, they/them pronouns take plural verbs: “Jordan is going to the store” (singular he/she) but “Jordan are going to the store” (singular they). However, modern English increasingly accepts both, and many writers use singular verbs with singular they in casual writing. The plural form is more formally correct and widely accepted in academic and professional contexts.
What should I do if I accidentally use the wrong pronoun for someone?
Apologize briefly, correct yourself, and move on. For example: “Casey said they — sorry, they — I mean, I misspoke — anyway, Casey said they would be late.” You don’t need to dwell on the mistake or make it awkward. People understand that pronouns take practice, and a quick, sincere correction is respectful and sufficient.
Can I ask someone what pronouns they use?
Yes, and it’s actually appreciated. You can say: “What pronouns do you use?” or “How would you like me to refer to you?” or “What are your pronouns?” This shows that you’re thoughtful about respecting people’s identities. Some workplaces and schools even include pronouns in email signatures or name badges to normalize the question.
Is it disrespectful to not immediately master neopronouns like ze/hir or xe/xem?
No. Neopronouns are less familiar to most English speakers, so it’s normal to need practice. If someone uses a neopronoun, be honest: “I’m not yet familiar with that pronoun, but I’d like to get it right — could you help me?” Most people appreciate your effort to learn. Like any language skill, using new pronouns correctly takes repetition and goodwill.
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