Non-Binary Pronouns: They/Them, Ze/Hir, Xe/Xem & More

My first encounter with non-binary pronouns happened in a college class when a student introduced themselves: “Hi, I’m Alex, and I use they/them pronouns.” I paused for a second—not out of judgment, but to reset my mental habit. For decades, I’d assumed singular “they” was ungrammatical. That moment taught me something important: good teaching means updating when language evolves. Today, respecting someone’s pronouns is basic courtesy and correct English.

Non-binary pronouns are for people who don’t identify as exclusively male or female. They/them is the most common, but there are others: ze/zir, xe/xem, and more. You’ll explains what they are, why they matter, how to use them grammatically, and how to practice until they feel natural. Whether you’re an English learner curious about inclusive language or a teacher preparing a classroom, this is for you.

What Are Non-Binary Pronouns?

Non-binary pronouns are used by people who don’t identify as exclusively male or female. They may identify as genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, or non-conforming. Non-binary pronouns are:

• A way to respect someone’s gender identity
• Grammatically standard (especially singular they)
• Increasingly common in workplaces, schools, and formal writing
• Not a political statement—simply a part of accurate communication

The key principle: use the pronouns someone tells you to use. Just like you’d call someone by their name if they corrected you, you use their pronouns.

The Most Common Non-Binary Pronouns

They/Them/Their (Most Common)

They/them/their is by far the most widely recognized non-binary pronoun. It functions exactly like the plural form but in singular use—a grammatical pattern English has used for centuries.

Function	Form	Example Sentence
Subject	They	“They submitted their application.”
Object	Them	“I gave the book to them.”
Possessive adjective	Their	“Their favorite color is blue.”
Possessive pronoun	Theirs	“The laptop is theirs.”
Reflexive	Themself	“They did it themself.”

Example 1: Jordan is an excellent designer. I love their work. I told them so yesterday.

Example 2: A colleague asked if I’d met Alex. I said yes—they‘re very talented.

Example 3: Someone left their keys. I hope they come back to claim them.

Ze/Zir/Zirs (Less Common)

Ze/zir/zirs (pronounced “zee” or “zuh”) is a neopronoun created to be explicitly non-binary. It’s less common but used by some people who feel “they/them” doesn’t suit them.

Example 1: Casey is a musician. Ze practices every day. I listened to zir new album.

Example 2: Ze brought zir guitar to the session. Zirs sounds amazing.

Example 3: I asked ze about the song. Ze said zir inspiration was nature.

Xe/Xem/Xyrs (Newer Neopronoun)

Xe/xem/xyrs (pronounced “zee” or “ex-ee”) is another neopronoun, gaining recognition especially among younger English speakers and in LGBTQ+ communities.

Example 1: Morgan is a writer. Xe just published a novel. I read xem an advance chapter.

Example 2: That book is xyrs. Xe left it here yesterday.

Example 3: Xe told xemself not to be nervous about the reading.

Other Gender-Neutral and Neopronoun Options

Beyond the three above, some people use:

• Ne/nem/nirs: A less common neopronoun
• Per/per/pers: Another alternative
• Ey/em/eir: Rare but still in use
• They ask for name/noun use instead: Some people prefer “Use Alex’s last name” or avoid pronouns entirely

The rule is simple: ask, listen, respect. Never assume.

Grammar Rules for Non-Binary Pronouns

Subject-Verb Agreement

When using non-binary pronouns as the subject, ensure the verb agrees.

Correct: They are coming to the party.

Incorrect: They is coming to the party.

This rule applies to all non-binary pronouns in subject position.

Consistency

Once you know someone’s pronouns, use them consistently throughout a conversation or piece of writing. Switching pronouns can confuse readers and may feel disrespectful to the person.

Inconsistent: Alex submitted his work. They did a great job.

Consistent: Alex submitted their work. They did a great job.

Pronoun Forms Across Contexts

Non-binary pronouns follow the same grammatical patterns as traditional pronouns. Use the correct form for each context:

Context	They/Them	Ze/Zir	Xe/Xem
Subject: “_____ arrived early.”	They	Ze	Xe
Object: “I saw _____.”	them	zir	xem
Possessive: “That is _____ book.”	their	zir	xyr
Possessive pronoun: “That book is _____.”	theirs	zirs	xyrs

How to Ask About and Use Non-Binary Pronouns

Asking Respectfully

If you’re unsure about someone’s pronouns, it’s better to ask than to guess. Here are some respectful ways:

• “What pronouns do you use?”
• “What are your pronouns?”
• “How would you like me to refer to you?”
• Offer your own first: “I’m Sarah, and I use she/her. What about you?”

This normalizes the question and makes it easier for others to share.

Using the Pronouns Correctly

Step 1: Listen carefully and write them down if needed.

Step 2: Use them consistently in every conversation and piece of writing.

Step 3: If you slip up, apologize briefly and continue: “I meant they, sorry—they did a great job.”

Step 4: Don’t make a big deal out of it or draw excessive attention to mistakes.

Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

❌ Mistake 1: Assuming someone’s pronouns based on appearance.

✓ Solution: Always ask or wait for someone to share.

❌ Mistake 2: Using the wrong pronoun form (subject instead of object).

✓ Solution: Practice the forms: they/them/their/theirs. Remember that “them” is the object form.

❌ Mistake 3: Overthinking or bringing excessive attention to pronouns.

✓ Solution: Treat pronouns like any other part of communication—important but not a spectacle.

❌ Mistake 4: Forgetting and reverting to gendered pronouns.

✓ Solution: Write their pronouns down. Pause before speaking. The more you practice, the more automatic it becomes.

Why Non-Binary Pronouns Matter

Respect: Using someone’s correct pronouns shows you recognize and honor their identity.

Inclusion: Language shapes how welcomed people feel. Using non-binary pronouns signals that your space is inclusive.

Grammar: Non-binary pronouns are not a political choice or trend—they’re a grammatical fact. Singular “they” has been in English since at least the 1400s.

Accuracy: Using the correct pronouns is simply being accurate, like spelling someone’s name correctly.

Related Articles

• ↑ Master Pillar: English Grammar
• Third-Person Pronouns: Complete Guide with Examples & Practice
• Pronoun-Antecedent Agreement: Master the Matching Rules
• ↑ Back to pillar: English Pronouns (Pillar)

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